Why therapy isn’t working for you
So many individuals reach out to a therapist, just to find themselves disappointed or more hurt. Time after time I’ve heard horror stories from clients about bad experiences with therapists, including breaching confidentiality, lack of interest from the therapist, ineffective methods, or multiple cancellations from the therapist.
My deepest desire is for you to have a good experience with therapy, whether that’s working with me or someone else. An important part of the healing process is finding a clinician with whom you can connect and feel comfortable sharing your life.
There are many reasons why therapy may not be working for you, and what you can do about it.
You’re not choosing the right therapist
Choosing the right therapist for your needs is crucial, but convoluted process. I recently posted a blog about how to find the right therapist. It’s important to choose directories and listings that are reputable and trustworthy, such as Psychology Today, TherapyDen, and EMDRIA.
You’ll also need to have an idea of what you want to work on and what your goals may be for counseling. This will help with deciding what kind of therapist to choose. If you’re wanting to address childhood trauma, complex trauma, PTSD, or a traumatic event you’ll need a trauma-informed therapist. If you’re wanting to work on your relationship with your partner and improve your marriage you’ll need couples counseling. If you’re wanting counseling for a small child, you’ll need a registered play therapist or sand tray therapist.
You’re restricted by cost
Therapy is expensive. And even if you have insurance, they often don’t cover much of the cost. Unfortunately, counselors have a lot of costs in education and other overhead. Also, we’re not able to work a 40 hour week like many industries. This is probably a topic for a separate blog, but counselors have to preserve their own mental health by only working what many would consider “part time” hours. These factors cause the cost of counseling to be high, making counseling unattainable for many.
While seeing a veteran, private pay counselor can get expensive, there are always low cost or no cost options around. On my homepage you’ll find links for low cost/no cost options in Longview, Texas, but there should be services in your area as well. You can try searching Psychology Today for sliding scale counselors, or contact your local county community health clinic. Counseling interns often offer services at lower costs, too.
You’re interfering with therapy
It’s not easy to hear, but you might be interfering with your own progress. It’s common for clients to “accidentally on purpose” self sabotage their own therapy. I’ve seen clients do this in multiple ways including being controlling, argumentative, unclear, indecisive, and contrary. While it’s normal to feel some level of resistance or apprehension in the first few sessions, some clients will really struggle to let down the walls and “trust the process.” When you’re unwilling or unable to accept the therapists feedback, it stalls out the process.
It’s crucial for you to come to therapy with an open mind, and be aware that it will be a somewhat uncomfortable process. If the therapist is exhibiting unprofessional or unethical behavior, you should absolutely not trust them and try to find a better clinician. However, if the therapist is otherwise helpful but you don’t like the feedback they’re giving you, it’s worth considering whether you’re experiencing your own resistance.
You’re not doing the work
While so much of therapy is the work you’ll do in session, you’ll get the most out of your session time if you’re “doing the work” between sessions. Doing the work may look like practicing self regulation techniques, research, reading, meditation, journaling, self care, or just noticing a certain behavior or thought come up.
Doing the work between sessions will illuminate areas and issues that need to be brought up in session, maximizing the progress and effectiveness of counseling. If you’re counselor recommends a book or website, really try to make time for it. They wouldn’t have recommended it if they didn’t think it would help!
Being a therapist is hard
While we don’t like to play victim or feel sorry for ourselves, most counselors would admit that sitting in sessions all day is really difficult work. It may not be physically taxing, but it can be totally overwhelming emotionally and psychologically. Between the space we hold, trauma we help process, and patience we exhibit, counseling can be a really intense career field.
Because counseling can be such a stressful field, it’s important for counselors to take care of their own mental health and process their own traumas. And if your counselor hasn’t done their own work, you may not have a great counseling experience. This isn’t because of anything you’ve done, but you’ll need to find a new therapist.
If you’re noticing your therapist getting emotional during session, angry, frustrated, controlling, judgmental, or critical it’s a sign they’re reacting from their own shadow or child parts.
If you’re looking for a counselor or coach, I’d love to have an initial intro call to make sure I’ll be a good fit for you. You can schedule that with the button in the header - “schedule intro call”
